The Map Is Not the Territory: A Compassionate Lens for Leadership

In a recent coaching session with a group of school leaders, we explored an idea that quietly but powerfully underpins all great leadership: 'The map is not the territory.'

Coined by Alfred Korzybski and adopted widely in NLP, this phrase reminds us that the way we perceive the world - our "map" - is not the same as the world itself - the "territory." And while it may seem like an abstract philosophical concept, it has deeply practical implications, especially for school leaders navigating the rich (and often conflicting) terrain of stakeholder relationships.

The Map Is Not The Territory - So Whose Map Are You Navigating?

Sometimes the biggest shift comes when we realise: they’re not being difficult—they’re just reading from a different map."

As we unpicked the multiple roles we hold - teacher, middle leader, senior leader, colleague, mentor - we recognised that each stakeholder group brings its own priorities, assumptions, and values to the table. Your line manager has one map. Your team have another. The children, of course, have one of their own. And you, in the centre of it all, are doing your best to chart a path that honours each without losing sight of your own.

Recognising that the map is not the territory helps to release the burden of assuming we should somehow know and meet every unseen expectation. It frees us from the exhausting mental loop of "Did I get that right?" or "Are they thinking I'm not doing enough?" and invites instead a deeper compassion—for others, and crucially, for ourselves.

From Judgement to Curiosity

One of the shifts we discussed was moving from judgement to curiosity. When a colleague reacts defensively, a child disengages, or a line manager changes direction, it's easy to take it personally. But what if their behaviour simply reflects their map—their internal landscape of beliefs, past experiences, and current pressures?

Rather than reacting from a place of judgement or frustration, this lens helps you pause and wonder: What might be going on for them? What might they be trying to protect, prioritise or uphold? This isn’t about excusing poor behaviour. It’s about understanding that everyone is doing the best they can with what they currently have access to.

It Applies at Home Too

Recently, I asked my daughters to leave their phones in the car before visiting their great-grandmother. They obliged—but within an hour, they were restless, repeatedly asking when we were going home. I felt frustrated. I wanted them to cherish the time, to understand the rarity and richness of that visit. But then I remembered: their map is not mine.

In their world, a long afternoon with an elderly relative, without any distraction or structured activity, felt endless. They weren’t being rude—they were navigating unfamiliar terrain with the tools and perspective they had.

Recognising that shifted something. I softened. I became more present. I held their discomfort alongside my desire for connection—and let both be true.

Letting Go of Perfectionism

This insight also offers a surprising gift: release. If no one else sees the full map of the territory (including you!), then perfect alignment is an illusion. What is possible is integrity in your intentions, clarity in your communication, and humility in your leadership.

You don’t have to get it all right. You just have to keep returning to what matters: service, learning, and human connection.

Reflection Prompt

This month, consider:

• Where am I assuming others share my map?

• What might I be missing about the pressures or priorities someone else is holding?

• What becomes possible if I choose compassion over assumption?

Leadership, after all, isn’t about having the most accurate map. It’s about being the most responsive and humane guide through the ever-changing territory.

If this perspective helped soften something in you, consider sharing it with someone else navigating tricky terrain. We’re all learning how to read the map as we go.